Comments on footnoteMaven: The Ghost Of Christmas Past

Ms. Maven, I see that it has been a few years sinc...

2012-01-05T15:05:13.724-08:00

Ms. Maven,
I see that it has been a few years since your Dad died but I know that the pain is always there. At least for me. My Mom died 13 years ago and there isn't a day that I don't miss her. I wish she were still here with us but I know that she is in a much better place and that we will see her again. It still hurts but I wouldn't want to be selfish and wish her back here to suffer. So, I try to get on with my life and be there for my son. But, in a perfect world I would love if she were still here with us.
I hope that you and your family are doing well and that things are getting better

Anonymous: Thank you for your comment. My cousin ...

2011-12-22T15:14:51.667-08:00

Anonymous:

Thank you for your comment. My cousin killed herself because of physical pain which was the result of an automobile accident. I don't understand it, but I accept it.

Her choice of place, date, and knowledge of what her father was experiencing at that moment, I still do not accept.

Writing about my father's death all over again has always been very cathartic. Each year I am more accepting. -fM

Jacqi - It is very cathartic to remember that day ...

2011-12-22T15:07:40.561-08:00

Jacqi - It is very cathartic to remember that day and the Ghost of Christmas Past every year.

The Ghost of Christmas Present, which is part 2, has a connection with this post.

Welcome, as a new reader, it's good to see this tradition through your eyes.

-fM

My Dear Ms Maven, It's such a terrible feelin...

2011-12-22T12:32:21.290-08:00

My Dear Ms Maven,

It's such a terrible feeling when somebody you love dies - like the floor has fallen out from under you and there's no way to stop the plummeting. I empathize to the nth degree.

Please don't be angry with your cousin. She wouldn't have killed herself if she weren't in great inner pain. People depressed enough to take their own lives are convinced that they are worthless and that the world would be off better without them. They just want the pain and self loathing to stop. They don't think that their family will miss them, quite the contrary - they think the family will be relieved, and that's a large part of why they want to die. Evereyone wants to be loved, but if one feels completely unlovable, totally devoid of the hope of being loved in the future, and suffering terribly within, death is their answer. All else falls away and is useless to them.

It wasn't your family's fault and it wasn't your cousin's fault, either.

I hope the plummeting has subsided by now.

There is no guarantee that memories will not be pa...

2011-12-22T11:55:28.185-08:00

There is no guarantee that memories will not be painful, but at least there is the hope that memories--or at least some aspect of them--may someday become healing.

I was not yet one of your readers when you originally posted this remembrance. Brand new to me, it splashes afresh in my direction some of that sense of pain that must have washed over you then. There's nothing that can be said to bring someone so significant in your life back in the same way as before. I know you've done what you could to attain some sense of resolution, and at this point, nothing more can be said...but I couldn't just read this glimpse into your soul's hurt and leave without saying anything!

When we research, we are in the business of archiving memories. It's those memories that can take on a soothing balm in the days after losses like this. I hope that soothing balm becomes present to you every time the calendar brings you back to that moment of loss.

Thank you so much for sharing.